A Day without Medicine
Yesterday I was plagued by tension. I kept finding my jaw clenched and willing myself to relax, shake it off. Deep breaths don't always help. All throughout my evening shift at work, I felt off kilter. "On edge" is really the most fitting idiom. I initially thought it was stress over leaving the puppy at home, but I knew she was safe with Patrick-this ran deeper.
Before bed, I went to the counter to take my nightly medicine and realized I hadn't taken my birth control the day before. Since I take my anti-anxiety and birth control pills at the same time, it made sense that I must have accidentally skipped them both. Realizing the true culprit for my heightened anxiety all day was both affirming and chilling. It was validating to pinpoint the cause of my feelings, but it was also a dark reminder of my life without medicine. Twenty-four hours without my anti-anxiety medicine and I was tense, stressed, and distracted.
Spending your energy trying to regulate your emotions is incredibly draining. It's like a job on top of the job you're trying to do, the life you're trying to live.
This reminder of my life without anti-anxiety medicine makes me feel both humble and grateful. Humble because I want to be the person who can "do it all," without help if possible. But I need help. From people, sure, but also from this little oblong pill that I take each day. I'm grateful for how it helps sweep my anxiety into the corners, allowing more space for me to think clearly and invest love and energy in things that matter. Don't be afraid of helping yourself if you need it.
XOXO,
Maria
Before bed, I went to the counter to take my nightly medicine and realized I hadn't taken my birth control the day before. Since I take my anti-anxiety and birth control pills at the same time, it made sense that I must have accidentally skipped them both. Realizing the true culprit for my heightened anxiety all day was both affirming and chilling. It was validating to pinpoint the cause of my feelings, but it was also a dark reminder of my life without medicine. Twenty-four hours without my anti-anxiety medicine and I was tense, stressed, and distracted.
Spending your energy trying to regulate your emotions is incredibly draining. It's like a job on top of the job you're trying to do, the life you're trying to live.
This reminder of my life without anti-anxiety medicine makes me feel both humble and grateful. Humble because I want to be the person who can "do it all," without help if possible. But I need help. From people, sure, but also from this little oblong pill that I take each day. I'm grateful for how it helps sweep my anxiety into the corners, allowing more space for me to think clearly and invest love and energy in things that matter. Don't be afraid of helping yourself if you need it.
XOXO,
Maria
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